#i'm sorry anon. i hope you never stopped being curious and asking questions.

[gendercriticalthinking]

hi, agender non-binary person here interested in gender critical feminism! i was wondering what your take was on people being uncomfortable with certain pronouns (he/him, she/her).

how do you feel about they/them pronouns, or neopronouns?

Hello there! I apologize so much for not answering your ask in a timely manner!! Responding to people on social media still makes me a bit anxious and stressed so I usually ignore my notifs even though I really shouldn't haha

Thank you for your question, and for being open to listening to gender critical people!!! It's an important and admirable quality to have, and especially worth praising when you and others have outright been told to not interact with gc people/radfems at any cost! So yes, thank you for that! :)

As for your question (which is a good one!) I originally wrote this very long rambly reply and saved it to my drafts hoping to make it coherent one day. But then recently something happened that made me realize something about human nature in general that directly ties into how gender identities and discomfort/enjoyment of certain pronouns came about:

My brother has always loved nature, especially animals. The reason his favorite color is green is because it's the color of plants: trees, jungles, the places animals live and eat and get to be free in. He's so obsessed with green that seeing something green, anything green, compels him to go " :O !!!! Green!!!"

Because he loves nature and animals so much, he's also a vegetarian. And not just in a "eating animals is bad for the environment" way, but a "it disturbs me on a visceral level to see, smell, or be near meat" way. I have to clean up my bowls and plates that I eat meals that have meat on (I mean, I'd do it anyway because you should pick up after yourself but you get what I mean) because the thought of touching a utensil that once came into contact with meat, even if I ate that meat and it's gone now, carnally disgusts him.

He loves animals, and he wants pets. He'd never ever malnourish a pet just because he has a problem with meat, but it'd be a real emotional challenge for him to feed a carnivore wet meaty food and/or live prey every day. (The token family dog was always fed by our parents or me; he'd be okay if our dog liked dry food but he doesn't lol.)

So I researched the options out there for herbivorous pets, and I found a couple species of lizards (he loves lizards in particular, partially because they're often... green) that eat an exclusively plant-based diet! I showed them to him and he was definitely on board... but alongside the herbivores we found a species of lizard that's a bright, vibrant green and makes a great pet, but they need to eat (preferably live) insects.

He's over the moon about the green insectivore lizards. Once he learned they existed it was over for him. They're all he wants, he's 100% sure. And it's for a lot of other reasons besides the fact that they're green, but... they're green. There are no herbivorous green lizards that make good/easy-to-care-for pets. On some level, he cares more about the green-ness than the vegetarianism.

Why is that?

It's because humans are obsessed with creating symbols to represent ideas. So much so that they often get more attached to the symbol itself than the thing it's supposed to be a reminder of. It's like a self-made Cloth Mother that's built to look like the Wire Mother, but comes with none of the substance or nourishment.

Green represents nature and animals coexisting peacefully to my brother. The emotion the color green instills in him as it reminds him of the things he loves is so powerful it surpasses his enjoyment of the literal thing that the color represents to him.

I'm just using him as an example, but everyone does this. Your favorite childhood shows make you happy because they're nostalgic and reminds you of being a kid first and foremost. They can be well-written and artistic and enjoyable underneath that feeling, but the simpler time they mentally take you back to is what you love about them. Your favorite characters, the "he's just like me fr" ones you read fanfic of, are ones that remind you of yourself and/or ones that you're attracted to. They can also be fun to analyze and have interesting personalities and be great meme fodder, but at the end of the day they represent something to you beyond their objective qualities.

.

So. If we live in a world where women are treated as lesser to men, not fully human, accessories to the actual thinkers, and we use "she/her" to refer to women, is it possible your hatred of hearing those pronouns is because they represent the idea that the person saying them to you sees you as inferior, vapid, incomplex?

If you're in a community where being a female who goes by "they/them" or "it/its" or "he/they" means you get to be who you want to be, who you truly are, enjoying everything life has to offer instead of being restricted to a role someone else made up for you, why wouldn't you like to be called something other than "she"?

When the majority of people who go by "she/her" in your spaces are amab people who constantly, vocally fetishize and dehumanize people with your biological body type (with a few afab people who don't seem to act like you or share your interests sprinkled in) why would anyone as smart and complex and kind to yourself as you ever like being called "she"?

Do you have an innate discomfort with certain pronouns because of dysphoria, or do you hate what the sound of them represents, reminds you of, that they're telling you what other people think of you? Do you enjoy being called certain pronouns because of euphoria, or do you like what the sound of them represents, reminds you of, that they're telling you the people who use them must listen to you and care what you think and support you being who you are?

What's my take on pronouns? They're symbols that represent the type of person you are and want to be. They mean something important. They tell a lot about a person. They're not something to play around with and try out for fun like they're clothes. They're not something you can make up out of thin air and pretend they have no connotations attached to them other than an Aesthetic TM you like.

Nor are they an escape from the problems of the world: the baggage comes with them, I'm afraid. It's a lot easier to change your bio and Discord server role than to change people's minds, especially ones belonging to those who hate you. That doesn't mean it's better or it works, just because it's feasible for you to do.

Whenever you feel a certain way about hearing "she," know that countless other women feel the same way as you. And know that leaving "she/her" behind doesn't mean you've found a cheat code out of being victimized and belittled, you've only left women like you behind instead.

[acid-ixx]

Hiii, I have read all your work and it is very good :D!! I've read it several times and never get bored.

Can I ask about something? I'm curious about the characteristics or signs of yandere appearing in Tim. Will he be the last family member to become a yandere? Sorry I asked like this because I feel like he's not getting enough attention in drabbles, questions from other readers, or anything else. So I'm curious.

I hope you understand my question. Because English is not my first language.

— masterlist !

don't mind me using the tags here, i want to clarify a lot of things.

hi anon!! don't worry about your english, i understand perfectly and it's also not my first language too hehe. and to all the others who have asked about tim's (or any other characters') appearance in the series: fear not, nobody is getting ignored at all, i intend for everyone to have their designated events/moments that trigger yandere characteristics for the reader for each chapter. it's my plan to make them each as unique as possible with their intentions, motives and goals, not just them being simply "obsessed" with you, so i'm trying my best to add depth to the story.

that means the entire series will stretch out quite a lot (i already have outlined multiple arcs, flashbacks, and all the characters' individual traits and significance). it's not just going to be ten chapters, i want to remind others that there's more lore to just the neglect, your mother's dark past, and characters that haven't even been introduced to the plot yet, so if you guys prefer one-shots or something shorter, then the series is not for you folks, sorry 😭

as for tim, he is quite literally my favorite character (surprise!), so of course he's going to get special treatment. he's not going to be the last to become yandere, but his spiral to becoming a yandere takes quite a lot of time since compared to others, it's him who spends the least amount of moments with you. even in the non-neglected au i wrote, what triggered his obsession was mere curiousity.

though just because there're lesser events with him, doesn't mean there will be none. he certainly plays a major role in the "wild goose chase arc where the family tries to negotiate (kidnap) you whilst you try to escape to multiple cities/end up in a completely different country". he may not express his love for the reader well, but he most definitely knows the most about you.

oh! and the traits that he does have as a yandere looks tame when you compare it to others, but it's also because it manifests through his personal dialogue (as i reckon he's keeps most of his thoughts about you to himself most of the time (gatekeeper archetype) and he's the character with the most internal dialogue/thoughts too). he's the worst stalker you could have, the one who you should look out for the most with just how much he knows about you in such a short period of time. tim's intelligence and detective skills knows no bounds, and he won't stop exhausting himself until the very knowledge of what the blood pumping under your skin feels like and the exact temperature of your body— is extracted and stored into the terabytes of data he has into his personal batcave.

and spoiler alert: he's also the one who uncovers your mother's past and alongside bruce, what had happened between the period of time when you were dragged out of the closet and the other time in elementary when you were nearly kidnapped, which completely leads to another arc wherein it's where their obsession drives off to a completely different plane of existence, exalting vengeance on the people who tormented you; but tim's pettiness is just on a whole nother level.

and i have to stop here before i (excitedly) spoil the entire series' plot LMAO. my answer to this is a bit more casual to the other asks, so i hope it doesn't irritate anyone.

so thank you for asking this! i also have a question for you people too:

how is the current progression of the plot? i get that it isn't even 10% finished and some moments feel slow, but i try to be as immersive as possible to the readers. so for those who have read the entire thing, what do you want me to possibly add, or does anyone have other clarifications? can anyone tolerate a fanfic that can possibly lead to more than 250k words??? 😭

[williamkisser]

A Luca x reader would be nice........... preferably slow burn and y/n is the shy type............. I'm hungry................. Thirsty............ Would beg....... Thank you.... *dying*

♡— The Prisoner with a shy S/O

♡— Oh my god… anon… N-N… NO!!!! Anon please, don’t do this to me… breathe. Oh my god. BREATHE!! *sniff* *sob* i’m… I’m so sorry i couldn’t save you, anon…. I hope you’re in a better place now… *sob*

♡— Warnings: g/n reader, fluff, possibly ooc i’m not sure, word count is 1400

♡— Luca Balsa, despite going through a turmoil of tragic events, never did once even try to stop working on his lifelong passion, god forbid even think of it. Yes, around him there were degenerates, murderers, thieves, even mystical, strange creatures - such combinations would drive any man crazy, as if anyone in here already wasn’t. But after all, finding something you could get absorbed in is the best method for killing time, don’t they say? Not even his developing issue with memory loss can stop him now.

♡— That’s why the prisoner, most of the time, could be found in the comfort of his own dorm, sitting by the desk while brain storming for yet another solution to the new experiment he was currently developing. And to be frank, he did quite like it this way. He had his own corner in the world, didn’t need to worry about money, could eat delicious meals and could even discuss some scientific matters with a few other enlightened individuals. And the prize for winning the game was even more tempting. Just imagine how much quicker he could develop his project with all this cash.

♡— Despite all the focus on his own dreams and scientific infatuations, Luca didn’t stray from engaging in interactions with other people. He’s certainly considered as one of the friendliest and most cheerful people in here. Some wonder if anyone im here ever managed to get on his nerve. He’s just very tolerable towards most, if not all, however, clearly he feels most comfortable near people who are willing to listen to his info-dumps, or engage in smart conversations, ask questions and give suggestions. There weren’t much residents in the manor like this. Most are either uninterested or too weirded out, therefore the prisoner always appreciated the open minded ones.

♡— Sadly, Luca’s past whereabouts left a permanent scar on him, making him a little unaware to some social cues. This man can not pick up on someone being painfully visibly attracted to him. He assumes all people willingly interacting with him are either friendly or just curious. Luca likes showing off and exchanging ideas with his mentor Alva, asking Helena for advice and letting her touch all of his tools or projects, trying to connect nature with science together with Luchino, or even explaining his ideas to the suspiciously fascinated Florian.

♡— And then there was you. A person very shy, awkward even. Everyone didn’t mind your presence, you just existed in your own bubble, in silence. Sometimes, someone would try to include you in some conversation, and while you did appreciate the gesture you just couldn’t grasp why you felt so uncomfortable, barely able to form a meaningful sentence. That was until you first encountered a young, quite charming in his own way man personally. You instantly became fond of Luca Balsa. Something about him just radiated pure happiness. He genuinely wanted to talk with you, sensing your anxiety, and you have no idea whether it’s for better or worse, because, oh God - he made you feel butterflies in your stomach and needles in your heart. You’ve got a crush on the Oletus manor’s „Prisoner”.

♡— You didn’t know what to do. The newly discovered feelings for the boy made your anxiety far more intense than it already was. Something in your head just screamed to not get too attached, after all, this is Luca Balsa we’re speaking of, he most likely doesn’t view you as anything else but a companion in matches. But, of course, the heart always does whatever it wants, ignoring the brain. That’s how you found yourself standing in front of his dorm doors, reflecting on if it’s alright for you to knock on them. What if he’s too busy right now and you’re just going to be a burden? This was a part of your mastermind plan - try to get into his interests and become a closer friend, and then…. maybe the friendship could bloom onto something else? You were in deep wonder, unaware that the doors are now open and Luca was waving his hand in front of your face. Earth to you.

♡— Either way, you spent some quality time with him together. He was very pleased to hear that you wanted to find out more about his projects and shared several insights related to his future plans. His dorm felt oddly cozy. You didn’t even realize that visiting Luca became some sort of a habit of yours, entering his workplace nearly on a daily basis - it made you forget about all the atrocities you witnessed during the bloody games. His voice was so soft and gentle, his eyes beamed as you kept asking questions about what is he doing right now. Luca felt so glad to elaborate and ramble about his passion. He’d even offer you to help him, giving you simple tasks as asking you to bring a certain tool. He was well aware of your shyness, so he was as understanding as he could, not forcing anything onto you. One day, Luchino teasingly called you „Luca’s little assistant”. The intense colour of your cheeks spoke for itself. You were head over heels.

♡— Quickly enough, your small acts of kindness turned into something way more serious. At one point, you felt like Luca’s own caretaker, because he was literally too absorbed in his work to pay attention to his own well-being. After you began frequently assisting him in not only helping to build some programs, you just took care of his needs. While Luca would love to stay up all night and didn’t like when people complained about it, oddly enough, he didn’t hesitate to tuck himself into his bed after you offered the prisoner too. You made sure he went outside and ate enough. Simple gestures like that were your own way of showing him affection, as you were too shy to be verbally affectionate.

♡— The whole situationship was now taking way too long. You were absolutely crazy over Luca, while he viewed you as a good friend and a fast learning companion. Everyone could tell you were following him like a lost puppy outside of matches, and he didn’t mind it at all. You just wished he would finally pick up on your real intentions, but at the same time you felt worried. What if he won’t talk to you anymore? What if there will be weird tension between the both of you if you confess? On one ordinary day, you were sitting by his desk as always, silently reading the notes hanged on the cork board while Luca came to you and asked to help him draw a technical sketch in his work notebook, to which you agreed to. After months of practice in his dorm you already knew how to properly draw a project on a piece of paper with accurate proportions - yet this certain sketch was new to you, you weren’t quite sure how to do it. That’s when Luca held your hand and guided it, helping you be more precise, and what an amazing, ecstatic feeling it was, his hand contained a specific, electric even, feeling on top of that. You blushed so hard you were surprised Luca didn’t even notice, but you knew you can’t be with him this way. You were hurting yourself by not telling the truth.

♡— This is how you found yourself sitting on Lucas’s desk, looking down and fidgeting with your fingers after telling the prisoner to listen for a minute. The whole thing was so stressful you can barely remember anything from that moment, not sure if it’s because of your own anxiety or if it’s the curse of this wicked place you’re stuck in. Either way, your confession to him was probably the most awkward one this Manor has ever seen - and it certainly saw a lot. Luca was surprised he didn’t manage to connect the dots for so long. He was focused on all the wrong things and failed to notice your affection towards him. Those were a few painful months, but he was going to make sure you know he appreciates all the help, not only on the projects, but also helping him take care of himself. Luca asked you for permission to kiss you while holding your hand, which you agreed to, feeling happy like never, making all your shyness go away for once… which did not last long, as Florian entered the room without knocking, making a loud „EWW” sound. Luca was going to make sure no one will interrupt you, scribbling something about a doorbell in his notebook right after kissing you like his life depended on it. Turns out, Luca Balsa now has found something to look forward to in his life other that science and innovative inventions - which was you.

Thank you for your request anon… i hope you can read this fic in the afterlife at least… anyways this my first time writing a fic for a character i’m not very familiar with. I tried to be as accurate as i could so i’m sorry if it’s ooc 😭 anyways it’s 2am now… idv x reader tag how are you doing on this lovely summer night

[certifiedsexed]

Terrified to ask in fear I'll be framed bad but here I go!!

I'm very interested in the human body and anything that can be considered medical (have been ever since I was 3-4 years old!!) and so I tend to get carried away with topics when it comes to human anatomy or procedures

One of which I've been talking about a lot is ftm HRT and the affects it'll have because not only am I incredibly excited for it I find it fascinating with how it works and what changes it provides and I'll yap about it in VCs with friends and stuff

With that context out of the way some of the people in those VCs are minors and I'm worried that what I'm talking about is harming them (because sometimes the topic turns to bottom growth or vaginal atrophy, sometimes the topic turns to mtf hrt and I'll discuss breast growth and the affects estrogen has on penises or testicles) Because I'm an adult (barely so too, I turned 18 like this year)

The minors are 15 or older never any younger and I always clarify and check in if I'm making anybody uncomfortable and if people want me to stop which everyone has said continously that they're ok with it and even ask questions about the topic (a lot of the people I hang out with are trans folks who have some kind of transition goal in mind)

But I'm worried if I'm pushing it too far and am actually harming them because I'm an adult while these people are minors. It never turns sexual its all talked about in a strictly educational manner.

I hope this makes sense sorry for the long ask :(

It's kinda interesting to read this ask for me because I'm very similar to this and have been for a long time. I also had similar worries but more about sharing with my siblings than general friends.

Look, talking about sex education (including trans specific sex education) isn't bad for kids or going to harm them.

You've been interested in this type of thing since you were very young yourself, do you think it hurt you? It doesn't sound like it, seeing as you're still wholly excited and fascinated with this type of subject.

It sounds like you're very considerate about it as well and that your friends are curious/interested in the topics you discuss. That's wonderful.

You being 18 does not make it dangerous or harmful. You're not flirting with minors or anything even similar. You're just sharing information-information that it sounds like some of these kids will need!

You being an adult doesn't immediately make it inappropriate or dangerous. In fact, I'd argue having a safe adult these kids can talk to and ask questions about topics like that generally makes them safer.

If any of them were voicing discomfort and you continued to engage them in these conversations, ignoring that, I'd say, "Definitely stop that." but so far, it sounds absolutely fine.

Hope this helps, Anon! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi, good [time of day]! I was hoping to get your thoughts on a sex question, but it could be considered close to one already in your FAQ, so I’ll in no way be offended if you ignore this ask. I’m curious if you know/have heard of the extent to which antidepressant medications affect interest in sex and ability to orgasm. Everything out there says they have an effect, of course, but I’ve been on them since I was 12 and am now in my mid-20s, so I haven’t ever had sex without being on meds. There was a period of a few months in there where I was off them, and I felt notably more romantic and sexual interest, but I was not in an excellent place emotionally and didn’t have time to worry about having sex. Essentially, I’ve never had an orgasm, or even any sort of pleasurable sexual experience, and I’d be interested to know whether sexual pleasure tends to increase when a person discontinues SSRIs. Thank you for your time and consideration!

hi anon,

I appreciate your consideration of the FAQ! and I'm sorry to say that there's not exactly a straightforward or simple answer to this.

SSRIs have different effects on everyone, because we all have a unique combination of shit happening inside of our brains and bodies and exactly how we'll react to any particular medication is an educated crapshoot at best. to offer a contrasting perspective on your experience as an example, I didn't start on SSRIs until I was in my early twenties, and now having been on them for something like five and a half years I can say with absolute certainty that the orgasms I have now are WILDLY better than the ones I was having in my teens and early twenties. so SSRIs are by no means a definitive boner killer; there are too many factors at play for it to be a simple on/off.

the same is true of going off your meds. some people see an immediate shift to a higher sex drive; I've known more than one student who stopped identifying as asexual after switching up their prescriptions and experiencing a rush of new hormones. for others, I'm sure, the drastic change in brain chemistry could tank their libido even further, and it could well be on a long-term basis.

ultimately, there's no reliable way to know exactly how a change in your med routine will impact you.

[vampirebloodie]

Adam Stanheight x reader? Like how Lawrence describes his daughter & wife, have Adam describe his relationship with the reader.

Hope you like it, anon! <3

Best Thing In My Life | Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x Reader

Summary: You carry Adam's baby and the position of the best thing in his life

The time in that bathroom seemed like it would never end, Lawrence and Adam were still trying to understand what they should do to get out of that trap without physical harm. They had already understood that they needed to cut off their own leg that was trapped in chains, but where would they get the courage to do something like that? Lawrence looked at the photo of his family tied up there, helpless, not knowing what he could do to help Alison and their daughter.

“I feel horrible that i can’t help them. Alison and Diana are everything to me. I know i made a mistake cheating on Alison, but i love her since we met years ago. She is the woman of my life.”

The doctor lamented, he didn't even have enough water in his body to shed tears.

“I wonder if they did something to Y/n like they did to them.”

Adam said leaning against the wall, inside he was in pure despair, but he tried to hide it as much as possible, he didn't want to appear weak, no matter how weak he was.

“Y/n? Your relative?”

He asked.

“Something more than that. She is the best thing in my life. Is my girlfriend. I don’t think they would have the courage to do anything to her.”

“If they did something to a child like mine, why wouldn’t they do it to your girlfriend?”

Lawrence asked and Adam ignored his rude question.

“She is not alone. She's pregnant, carrying my baby. I was dedicating myself so much to photography to support both of us and him or her.”

Adam ran his hand over his face, starting to cry. Lawrence was silent for a few seconds before sighing, he was a little shocked now, Adam is gonna be a dad, just like him. If they were close to each other, they would definitely have hugged each other at that moment.

"I'm so sorry."

“I... She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was bullied a lot in high school for being introverted, she was a new student, in the first week without even knowing me she helped me and stopped them from hitting me. She started hanging out with me and even though she was teased for being pretty and hanging out with a "weirdo" like me, she never stopped. After that i started to look at her like the wonder woman of my dreams, we've been together for 7 years and counting, in fact i was planning to surprise her and ask her to marry me, until i ended up here. She probably came home and saw everything set up, but she didn't saw me there. ”

He explained with a sad face.

"Don't worry. We’re going to get out of here and you’re going to see her again. I want to see my family too. Alison and i are not what we used to be, but i know she still loves me as much as i love her, the feeling may have cooled, but our love for Diana can overcome everything. My little girl is such a miracle in our life, she is so smart and curious. Just like her mother when was a teenager. I'm so proud of my baby”

Gordon said smiling, Adam started running his hands through his jeans looking for something, until he took a photo out of one of the pockets and showed it to Lawrence.

“Look look, at least he didn’t take that from me.”

Lawrence couldn't deny it, she really was very beautiful and had a magical smile that could easily charm anyone who passed by her. The photo showed her and Adam together holding a pregnancy test in one hand and a photograph of an ultrasound in the other hand, smiling extremely happily as a couple in love should be.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she? She is the love of my life, she is everything to me, she is the thing i am most grateful for having in my life. My family never supported me in being a photographer, unlike her who always helped me despite all the judgments. Being with her every day makes me happier and warms my heart, it's like im in paradise and she's my goddess. ”

Adam said smiling silly caressing the photo, the blonde laughed.

"Do not laugh. Lawrence, im really scared i'll never leave here and i won’t be able to see her again.” He admitted, frustrated.

"Ok ok, we going to get out of here, we’re going to find a way to do this, you’re going to find your wife, even if i leave first and come back for you.”

"You promise?"

“I promise you, Adam.”

Final note: please, reblog if you liked! 💖

[remusawoooo]

anon here, excited to read the essay! i asked you because i really like your takes and i see people in the more canon-adjacent parts of the marauders fanbase to complain about the extremes of the fanon one, though personally ive never really seen anything Too extreme, tho thats probably just tantamount to how well i curate my spaces i suppose (ive seen people say that fanon makes remus really “alpha” or makes sirius “bimbofied” and while ive seen hints of those extremes here and there, mostly it looks like it varies from person to person. ive just seen remus be more assertive than he probably is in canon, or sirius being more dramatic and “fem” than he probably is in canon). from what i know people like exaggerating events (the prank, etc.) or shifting some personality traits, but i dont really think thats a bad thing - i personally enjoy it. as long as they dont completely turn characters into stereotypes (though its a pitfall of every fandom, i fear), then whatever its just camp.

people are allowed to criticize stuff like that though, not taking that away from anyone, i personally just dont really care enough to be totally accurate esp since this hyperfix is kind of the bottom of the barrel for me LMAO. but i ask mostly bc im just curious to see what other peoples opinions are, and bc i think - especially in a fanbase like this - that its incredibly important to be at least a little critical with your media experience and reflect on it. saying “oh fuck canon we’re just having fun” is fine and all, i dont think anyone is stopping you, i think the personalities people have made up for characters that have zero screen time are super fun and the little ships are not everyones tea but like its fine. but even still, people should be way more aware of what characters theyre dealing with and from what franchise, and like reflect on any biases you may have. if youre making shit up for a random DE character, or retconning some sutff, okay, whatever, but be sure to not defend or like suddenly turn to really weird rhetoric. idk i think its the bare minimum in a fanbase like this

i definitely rambled way too much here, super sorry op! i hope this doesnt bother you, feel free to reply or feel free to not. i just really like hearing peoples thoughts on things, and i like your takes and your blog so i hope i didnt catch you by surprise. i really am just an outsider trying to look in LOL

hello anon, I'm sorry I lost your ask. I was writing on my laptop and saved the draft (but apparently had to press on alt, and didn't do it) so I basically lost your question and half of my initial response. Ty for sending in another ask!! Not a bother at all, i find this very lovely :D 

I was mortified to find that someone who isn't really a part of the fandom was perceiving me while I was complaining about fictional characters ahahaha. still, thank you for validating me and asking my thoughts on the mischaracterization of marauders!! I do talk about it daily, unfortunately, and without any prompt too. I'll try to gather all my thoughts here. I don't necessarily come across fanon as much as I did when I reentered the fandom and honestly, I can not be more with you about curating your space !! at the end of the day, I am just here to have fun, and really, pointing out these issues is not a good time at all! But I do post a lot about these, I can't be bothered to bottle up any thoughts lol.

I think the major issue I have with current interpretations is the underlying bigotry that comes along with it. There is a lot of unchecked problematic content that doesn't sit right with me.

Flanderizing characters in fandom interpretations is not limited to marauders fandom obviously. any popular media will face this because so many of us want to interact with one character so their traits are simplified for easier consumption and to find a common ground. this is also not limited to new marauders fandom. even in the older era, leather jacket-wearing, motorbike-driving quintessential bad boy siruis was a thing. so I won't nitpick on silly simplifications.

I just want to say that this isn't about me wanting everyone to have the same interpretations as I do about the canon. I follow so many lovely people and I don't agree with all of their posts. But, we all just simply share the love for these characters in the text and form an imaginary community. So, if we were to remove all the issues I will mention, it is still very well possible to have different personal takes.

Here are some of my issues:

Queerness, Gender roles, and misogyny:

My biggest problem is the representations of queer relationships. the fandom packages these couples in a strange and obvious heteronormative mold where the individuals fit into male and female gender roles. mlm and wlw are now an “f/m”* stereotype and characterization gets affected by the ships. Heterosexual relationships shouldn't have these limitations either, anyway. There is no one way to be a woman or a man. With queer relationships in particular, we have reclaimed the word queer now but it was used to describe the unconventional weirdness in the relationship. We didn't fit into the normal portrayal of a loving relationship. So, it really bothers me, even in fiction, that queer ships are popularly consumed in a way that represents a traditional template. (*this is not about gender itself but the gender roles! f/m can very well be queer!). 

Let's take the biggest victim in this fandom: sirius.

Sirius’ portrayal concerning his gender and sexuality has heavily changed his characterization in the fanon. We have a character who is popularly headcanonned as trans and is it a coincidence that all their traits have changed from the og material? Sirius is suddenly vain, whiny, and dumb. Canon doesn't suggest this interpretation, it has to have stemmed from somewhere. It's the implicit bias. Sirius becomes a caricature of what a woman “should be”. When we focus on sexuality, there is the suddenly short twink sirius who has the same new traits- proving the point of fulfilling gender roles. These characteristics are a stand-in for the “female” role of the traditional relationship and it becomes more clear in the example of new age wolfstar. Remus is now the big alpha stoic manly man- the obvious stand-in for the “male” role. I could go on, it is apparent in the way you can see remus becomes a caretaker and sirius is taken care of.

The point I am trying to make is not to discourage gender/sexuality hc. I love them, keep them coming. But, why is female sirius not tall suddenly? It is not inherently bad at all to have a feminine and masculine pairing! But why do we need to change the constitutions of these characters to consume their relationship?

I'll keep dropping disclaimers because I hate being misinterpreted: I don't obviously mean every single person is doing this or that doing one of the things means doing the other too. 

Race:

It is related to the point above. I was personally so excited to see the popular desi james hc. Even in fanon, I have never seen such a prevalent and encouraged brown rep, it was quite sweet to come back to that. But the problem is the change of characteristics that comes with race hc. Desi james is also a manly dude who is big and buff as opposed to the white petite and delicate regulus within jegulus ship. The melanin is directly proportional to the manliness here. 

This is a propagation of race stereotypes. Maybe jegulus was a bad example because usually there are seen as blank templates. I will raise the argument that this can't be all we can come up with for blank canvases then. Either way, my point about race still stands when you repeatedly design interracial queer relationships so they fall into heteronormative roles. Anyway, same issue with wolfstar when there is a brown remus.

Canon, JKR, and hypocrisy:

Refusing to engage with source material is funny when we are picking characters out of it. the interpretations of the characters will be from their book. otherwise, they are just original characters with the same name. you can add onto the traits and a lot of the time fandom comes to a consensus regarding a few things! This is common in every fandom but I don't think I have seen such reluctance to not only critically engage with media but also shame others who do. We are surely in special circumstances with this fandom but I really do think jkr and how we navigate the fanon should be two different things.

Most of us don't condone jkr or even remotely agree with any nonsense she spews on the daily. Most of us can see the problematic nature of even consuming this media and staying in this fandom. It is one of the reasons I even left the fandom. Most of us are simply doing our best to engage carefully while distancing ourselves from her. So, it is quite laughable when some love to take the moral high ground for rejecting canon while still engaging with the same characters. (the rejection of canon in question being sirius’ height, lol)

(Sirius' height is quite a polarising fact apparently. Unfortunately, the point about height is also discussed so disingenuously. When I talk about sirius’ height, it is not really about him being 6 or 7 feet. It will not really impact my life. It is about what it represents. He is bimbofied as he becomes short. It's an issue of "WHY" again.)

Of course, this isn't an accusation of intentional bigotry from everyone here. The problem with this fandom is that the people in it tell themselves that it is progressive and to run away from the problematic creator as much as possible. We are not progressive if all we do is co-opt queer and racially diverse identities on such a superficial level. The bias manifests in subtle forms. I just wish we check ourselves from time to time, that's all. 

There is a lot of hostility when we try to discuss issues in the fanon. Things are interpreted in the most misguided way to just win the argument. Like I said in the beginning, we all just want to have a good time. That also means creating a welcoming space for vulnerable groups (especially when the same identities are used to pat yourselves on the backs for inclusivity points). I didn't even cover everything btw, I just wrote about the issues that concern me. queer and poc also partake in biased representations, I also probably have some biases that I didn't identify yet. I just think it would be super neat if everyone tried to make an effort to unlearn and engage with media without hurting anyone. 

I have other issues but they are all just super subjective opinions and smth I can ignore when others do. ex: I really don't like giving tragic backstories to bigots in the story. Not every supremacist loser has a trauma that forced them into oppressing people! There is also "tropeyfication" of all major ships. Just an overall issue in the reading world I think, though.

Anon, I didn't mean to make it preachy in any way btw. You probably asked for a silly little rant and I went full lecture mode, so I apologize for the tone shift!! I mentioned these because every other issue can be brought down to these imo. Like you said, I also don't have any fixation on everything being canon-compliant. I only complain by asking about the thought process behind certain kinds of changes, if that makes sense! I hope this wasn't a drag really and you can see where I am coming from. If I misspoke anywhere, pls lmk. Thanks for sharing your opinions too!!

This is a long long rant, anyone who read everything, you are wonderful and patient. Thank you for taking the time. This huge post and the content can make you think, “who cares this much?” or “it's not that serious” and yaa it really isn't that serious. The characters aren't real but we all are. the identities projected are real. so, it does matter to talk about this.

Everything said this is a fun place to be once you find your own corner in the playground.

[thewulf]

wait stop! you're one of my fav fanfic writers and you do LOTR??? Okay, okay I have a request for you! A hurt/comfort, you're so good at them!

Can you do a Legolas x elf!reader where she's the daughter of one of King Thranduil's longest and most trusted advisors. She and Legolas grow up together since they were only born a hundred or so years apart. Legolas basically trains you with the bow and you help him with swords/knives (reader is kinda known for that or something). Basically the two of them have a longggg history together, they've always been around each other. The two of them deeply loves the other but both are too afraid to make a move. Reader because she thinks the king would never approve of the pairing and Legolas because he thinks reader would never love him like that.

So I'm thinking the actual story takes place after the ring is tossed in the mountain and Legolas is back. Reader is kinda clingy/wants to be around him since she had to go the year without him, just hoping and praying he'd be alright. Reader doesn't even realize how clingy she's being. One afternoon when you find him sitting in the garden you decide to join him and he just kinda snaps after she asks him a bunch of curious questions? He says something along the lines of:

'Can I just have a moment to myself for once?' or 'You haven't let me breathe since I've been back! I should've taken Gimli up on his offer."

Reader looks dejected, nods and leaves. She's not cold to him but avoids him for the next few days/weeks. Legolas is slowly losing his mind seeing you actively avoiding him after his words clearly hurt you. He finally corners reader and apologizes profusely, he was stressed or something idk you can make it up you're so good at that! He confesses his feelings and wants to braid readers hair or something rly cute like that. Really fluffy at the end.

Omg sorry for the crazy long request. You'll do it justice!!

FINALLY LEGOLASSSSSS!! The LOML!!

Heck yes anon you got it. I've got a Siri and Aragorn request ahead so hopefully I can get this out in 2-3 weeks :) I'm getting 1ish fic out a week these days.

And please don't apologize, I LOVE really detailed requests. It's almost more of challenge to fit everything in and be coherent/fun to read.

And thank you for the kind words! Means the world and beyond to me always :)

[golbrocklovely]

you know, I thought i might of been annoying with the amount of asks i send you, and that still might be true but people apparently love me… so im sticking around 😂 gotta build this aussie anon fandom… buy the merch (its just a tshirt with koala ears on the anon icon and ‘xplr me daddy’ across the shoulder blades)

also absolute fkn ditto to your post abt snc needing a villain era. especially colby. I learnt just the other day that apparently he goes thru this m drama every time he’s snapped with a girl. like every time, for years. that’s gotta be so horrible. like imagine being the constant reason your friends or dates get harassed online just for being around you. you’d feel like poison. i truly hope he finds someone who couldnt give two flying quacks abt that stuff. heck, if it were me (lemme dream, alright) and i knew this wasn’t just a once off thing… i was going to say my acct would be private and i’d have ‘message from strangers’ turned off… but i already have all that… Colby, I’m ready!!! lmao i jk i jk (or do I 👀)

anyway, back to colby fighting in the clubs. you said he’s possessive… im curious about that. like in a protective way over the people he cares about, or actually like “this is my person, back off” type? either way, hella shmexxyy

- aussie anon

omg this is such a long response so i'm sorry in advance lol

haha no you're totally okay to keep sending in asks. no one has a problem with it, especially me :)

and omg an "xplr me daddy" shirt would be hysterical and i'm surprised they haven't done one (even jokingly) before lol

and yes, it's not just girls colby is interested in either. it's EVERY girl - date, friend, stranger - it doesn't matter. if fans can find out who she is, they will send her hate. or at the very least bombard her with questions as to how she knows colby, what's he like, ect. it's honestly very embarrassing to be in this fandom sometimes strictly bc of that type of shit.

i've talked about how i've felt on colby's love life ad nauseum on here, but i don't mind speaking on it more. i genuinely believe this fandom needs a HUGE reality check. bc there are too many ppl in this fandom that believe they have a say in what he does with said love life. and now it's bled over into sam's.

the golden child apparently can do wrong now lol

like on xplrclub, they literally APOLOGIZED (half-heartedly, but still said sorry) for the pics of them with the girls leaking over new years. and that's just fucking bonkers to me. there is no reason two 27 year old men should be saying sorry to a bunch of random girls they have never met before and don't even know exist bc they are going out and having fun and dating. and what makes it worse is snc felt the need to do this. they don't need to explain anything to us, especially about their private lives.

and the amount of fucking fans i saw saying "well if you wanted to have a private life, keep it private. don't post things." and it's like…… idk how many times i have to say this, but SNC ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. them not telling you about a girl they are fucking with is not a betrayal. they don't know you. they couldn't even pick you out of a line up of two ppl. stop thinking your opinion is neccessary, especially when it comes to their personal lives. you aren't owed an explanation. idc if you've been in this fandom for years, given them tons of money, have a fan account dedicated to them on every site, repost their content all the time - NONE of that matters. you are a random person, you are a statistic. a view count. and while yes, snc care about us, that doesn't mean they KNOW you or that your opinion is VALID.

you wouldn't like a random person coming onto your account and bitching at you about your life choices, right? so why do you think snc deserve that? bc they're public figures? NOPE, not a good enough reason. you want to bitch at them about content and the choices they make on that? that's fine. but private, personal shit they do is none of your concern or business.

and i know there are plenty of fucking ppl that will call me a hypocrite bc god forbid i talk about snc's love lives - but reality is i know my opinion isn't worth shit. i'm not coming up into their comments, @ ing them every chance i get, just to give them my two cents. i do my best to keep it light hearted and silly. none of what i talk about is serious or direly needed info. which is also why i do it on a site they aren't privy to. they're not on here. me complaining into the void doesn't effect them. and i'm also extremely aware of the fact that i don't know everything. i don't know the full story, never will, and i'm not OWED it either.

sorry, that was a really long rant. but i'm just…. so done with the fandom rn lol i've been reading ppl complaining for too long about shit they don't deserve to complain about and it's just annoying at this point.

but to bring it back to your ask - i hope colby, and sam too, find a girl that fucking PARADES that she's dating him. of course, with colby or sam's consent. if i was dating one of them, i would rub in these fans' faces, and i mean that wholeheartedly. aww, you're upset i'm fucking your man? TOO BAD WOMP WOMP lmao

and as for colby being possessive, he's said it in some tweets in years' past. he's tweeted out before "Im such a protective, jealous person wow" and "I'm overly protective" followed by someone asking him "so that means if you had a girlfriend you'd protect her a lot" and he replied with "protect her with my life". so, i see him as being a very loyal person, who is protective of the ppl he deems as "his", so to speak.

in a relationship, my guess is that while he's not obsessive or demanding, he is very much like "you are my girlfriend". i don't see him to be the type to say you can't talk to this guy or be friends with these ppl, nothing like that. but he reads to me like the type to keep his arm around you while at the club, that way any guy that sees you know you're taken by him.

also side note, i know as a woman i should be like i'm my own person, i'm no one's but my own, blah blah blah. but a guy that's just a twinge bit possessive is hot. i'm sorry, it's my red flag and i know it is sksksks

[skyhavens]

dragon age anon again! I hope you don't mind me asking questions can you tell more about sage's relationship with anders? Hes one of my fave dragon age romances so! I was curious about your take.

oh my god, i'm so sorry about neglecting this message! i've been meaning to reply to it, but i've been having an awful few pain days and the thoughts completely left my brain. i'm here now to respond, though! sage adores anders. she's very soft-hearted despite being such a hard worker who sets such an unforgiving pace for herself, and watching anders struggle with grief and guilt and all manner of things related to his clinic is what makes her stop and sort of... reassess how she's been treating herself, as well. it's very much a moment of realization where she goes, "oh, i'm treating him with absolute patience and understanding, but i haven't given myself any of that same grace." their relationship unfolds differently than it does in-game, much in the same way that ecgwynn and alistair's does, too. she starts going by the clinic to rest after hours and hours of mercenary work. during one of those visits, anders climbs into bed with her to get a few hours of sleep himself, and she ends up holding him the entire time. after that, things get intimate at alarming rates because they're both exhausted touch starved darlings who so desperately need to be cared for. she stands by him through everything. the good, the bad, the explosive - she's there, and she never wavers, not for a moment.

[yaksha-lover]

howdy! werewolf anon back again! ^^ idk if this fits with what your doing with the vampire au but id love to see a few of the characters (mainly malleus and epel) reacting to a werewolf MC? totally fine if you don't wanna write this I'm just a sucker for werewolf x vampire stuff lol

Hi, I am so, so sorry this took forever, I hope you like the characters I picked other than Mal and Epel okay dhjdididk also werewolf x vampire stuff is top tier so feel free to send more asks about it if you’d like :)

Malleus has encountered many werewolves before in his life, so he isn’t too concerned about you because of that fact. However, he hasn’t really been in close contact with any werewolves so he is interested in you both in a personal way and because of your species. In vampire society, werewolves are typically viewed as feral and beneath them, but because Malleus has been raised by Lilia, he knows better than to believe the stereotypes and prejudice. If you’re open too it, he’d love to ask you questions about both werewolves and your life. In exchange, he’ll allow you to ask questions about him. It doesn’t bother him at all that you’re a werewolf, and he would never let that stop him from starting a relationship with you, even if others (namely other snobby, ‘pureblood’ vampires) may believe a vampire x werewolf couple to be bizzare.

Epel would be the most outright scared at first. You’re the first werewolf he’s ever met, and he doesn’t know much about them other than what’s been portrayed in movies. He does understand the irony in believing such stereotypes considering he is a vampire, but he doesn’t have much else to go off of. The longer you spend around him, the more comfortable he’d get. Once he asks you a few questions, he’ll come to realize how all the things he thought were mostly incorrect, and he’ll feel a bit stupid. Eventually, he doesn’t even think about you as a werewolf, just seeing his good friend. One thing about werewolves that Epel really loves is the whole ‘mate for life’ (similar to what Jack said about wolf beastmen in Ace’s vignette) thing that you told him about. The concept is very romantic to him, and he’d be determined to become your one and only lover.

Leona is pretty unbothered when you first show up. He isn’t scared of you, and he doesn’t care enough to be curious about a stranger, even if they are a werewolf. If you stick around long enough that he’s forced to know you, he’d actually take quite a liking to a werewolf!MC. I think beastmen and werewolves aren’t too dissimilar, and they could find common ground like their more ‘animalistic’ attributes.

Riddle is on edge with your presence when you first meet, but once he’s come to learn more about werewolves he relaxes around you more. He still never fully calms down (does he ever), but he’ll be more cordial and less avoidant. Secretly uses the library to do research on werewolves but will never tell you this.

Floyd would just use you being a werewolf as another way to tease you. At the same time, he’d be interested in you once he sees your capabilities. The question of whether vampires or werewolves are stronger remains without an answer, but Floyd would love to fight you (affectionately). He’d like having someone strong around who can and will fight back against his teasing, and challenge him too.

Rook would be very curious about you, he too, has never met a werewolf before. He’d take time to observe you from afar, trying to find out all about you and werewolves before approaching you. It’d definitely be unsettling when he first talks to you considering he brings up small features you’d think no one would notice. Rook would definitely romanticize the relationship; a vampire and werewolf, falling in love? He thinks star-crossed lovers is quite a beautiful trope, one he wouldn’t mind being part of at all. You’d quickly realize his romanticization isn’t as innocent as it seems, considering his want to ‘hunt and catch’ you like his prey (which he especially loves considering werewolves like yourself are often the ‘predators’).

[kunikinnie]

hii i saw you had requests open for hcs, i’ve never really requested anything before so i if this is not the format please feel free to ignore it😭 could you do fukuzawa being in love with a reader who works at the ADA (so he can’t confess or anything cause it would be unprofessional etc even tho the feeling seems mutual). kinda angsty kwkwkaksk sorry if it’s confusing, feel free to ignore

a/n: hello nice anon! dw I'm not strict with the format (esp since for now I specified I'm only doing HCs) and thank you for your VERY wonderful prompt! Nothing I love more than pining, angst and Fukuzawa HAHAHA sorry for finishing this so fast currently brainrotting over this man rn

hiding his feelings

featuring: Fukuzawa x GN!Reader

Within the first few years of the Agency's founding, Fukuzawa had already accepted that falling for someone, moreover being in a relationship, was no longer an option for him. Fate had been kind enough to spare him from that trouble - at least until recently.

You were just another employee to whom he shared little time with. Sometimes you'd ask him for advice regarding certain topics, but most of the time the only interactions you had were limited to serving him tea and updating him about work.

He doesn't know how or why he suddenly held an affection for you that was far from what was appropriate. All he knew was that one day, his gaze lingered at you for longer than it should have as the echo of your laughter resounded in his head.

The moment he realized it was the moment he was damned. Aside from you being a mere employee and he your boss, he was far too old to be allowed to harbor romantic feelings for someone much younger than him. It was wrong. If anyone (especially anyone outside the Agency) found out, he would never recover from the fall.

He should nip the problem in the bud. He shouldn't warm up to you, indulge in the little tenderness you showed him, or take the time to talk to you a bit more. But the more he tries to stop himself, the more he finds himself yearning for you.

The only consolation he had was that it seemed that you were completely oblivious to it all. Not returning his feelings would make it much easier for him to quietly get over you.

Until he noticed that you too held a certain fondness for him.

Were you just thankful someone understood your troubles like how a father does? Or did you enjoy being with him the same way he enjoyed being with you? Or was he just being delusional?

He should be hoping that you didn't return his feelings, right? Yet here he was hoping that you did, even if only a sliver of it. Sometimes he'd let himself dream and try to pursue you there.

In the end, no matter how passionate the raging fire was in him, he never found out the answer to any of his questions.

Dazai offered to set you up with someone - some gentleman who's interested in you, apparently - and while you seemed curious, something was holding you back.

Fukuzawa's cold, emotionless words betrayed the aching heart that rose all the way to his throat. "Why don't you try it, Y/N? You might find out he's a good match for you."

He might have been wrong, but he thought that your face darkened slightly at his words. In the silence before you weakly thanked him hung an unspoken pain that he'd never felt from you before.

Perhaps it confirms everything. Perhaps it confirms nothing. But none of that matters now you've finally melted back into the background as a regular employee - just like how it should have been from the start.

[eggdrawsthings]

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to learn how to draw but isn’t too great at it? I know this is a hefty question, but since I admire your style and your kindness so much, I thought I’d ask you! ✨🤍

Hey anon!!! Sorry for the late reply I've been keeping you ask in my inbox for a while cos i was trying to figure out how I should reply to this.

Hmmm the most annoying and stupid answer would be "keep on drawing 🥴🥴🥴". But to look at this in-depth it's probably knowing what you like to draw, both at the moment and in the future. Is this a hobby or do you wanna make a career out of it? And if it's gonna be a career you wanna follow, then what would it be? An Illustrator? A concept artist for the entertainment industry? A comic artist? etc. and if you know what you want to become, it's just the matter of gathering materials and information and filling up your inspo board with your art hero's works that will spark you joy and ideas for your art journey. (but rmb this will always change along the way and that is totally A-OK 👌👌👌 )

But whatever route u r taking, I think the most important thing is to enjoy making art. Start simple, draw the character you love most, fanart is always fun to start with cos the character is alr created and you just need to fill the page with your own fantasies about that character. Do a lot of studies, anatomy is gonna be your friend in the long run. Also be critical about what you are producing. Keep asking questions while you are drawing like: who is this character, what are they feeling, does the pose work in this angle, if not then why, and how can i fix/improve this for the next piece, etc. Find joy in problem-solving, never stop being curious, and try out new stuff. Oh and also dont be shy about sharing your work. To me I love seeing people react to my work and that keeps me motivated to keep improving, plus sometimes you get very nice constructive feedback from other ppl too and it helps a lot.

I'm sorry if this is too much or too over the place, i'm not very good at giving advice but erm yeh i hope it helps somehow 😅

[writing-prompt-s]

Hey there! First time anon asker, long time follower. I appreciate all the work you do for this blog. Just want to keep the conversation going about the Edison quote you retweeted, on "giving up" versus "knowing when to stop." Though Edison sucks as some comments pointed out, I happen to agree with the quote to an extent. I'm curious to know more about your experience. First, some background for my opinion: I work as a student tutor for fellow college students. One of the biggest things we learn as tutors is how to encourage students NOT to give up when they face a challenge. Lots of people, especially first-gen college students, give up when they're struggling in class because they assume they're "not smart enough" or something along those lines, when research and my personal experience show that that's not true. They are able to change their school habits and seek out help, but only if they already have a mindset where they believe they can do it. Those who don't believe in themselves are less likely to seek help and thus, more likely to fail. Students might also drop out of college or get bad grades because of things outside of their control, like losing their job or other difficulties that make it hard for them to continue at college. This is also an issue because some (not all) colleges have programs to help students during difficult times, but many students don't even try, they just drop out. I have benefitted from some of these programs personally, so even though they can't cure everything, these programs should be considered when a student is struggling. And sometimes, dropping out of college IS the best decision for a person, whether they intend to return later or go a different path. It's just that for many students, they don't have to give up on their education/career goals because of the hardships they're currently trying to work through, but they believe that there's nothing else they can do. The solution may be out there, but they "give up" because they didn't look for it. As a tutor, that's why phrases like "don't give up!" are so important for the people I work with. Not because college is for everyone or that people should sacrifice their well-being for a degree, but because students (again especially first generation college students, students of color, and low income students) have such low confidence in themselves and their ability to learn and grow through obstacles. The Edison quote wasn't about college, but I'm using my experience as a college student and tutor as a more concrete example of why the Edison quote could be useful. College student or not, I think having a "don't give up" attitude can get you through some hard times. So all of this is to preface my question: in your opinion, how can we know the difference between a healthy, "I will do everything I can to meet my goals" situation and an unhealthy, "I will sacrifice everything" situation? Sorry for this lengthy ask btw, if you don't want to respond I completely understand. Just hoping to hear your insight to the topic more. Thanks for this blog and for sharing your thoughts! -S

Hey S!

Read “The Dip” by Seth Godin. It counts about 80 pages but reads like 30. I highly recommend reading it and using the ideas in guiding your students. When you read it, it’s mostly common sense with a bit of oh damn, nice! But sometimes common sense needs to be conceptualized, made concrete, or put into context, and this little book does just that.

The main idea is to know if you should quit or persevere during ‘a dip’ by forecasting the probability of success and take costs/rewards into account.

However, this might not be everyone’s best skill, so some people might need practice or guidance. As Ray Dalio points out in his book ‘Principles’, everyone is wired differently. Just as our bodies come in different shapes and sizes, so do the compositions of our brains. Some people might have weak bones or naturally have lots of muscle mass. Others might regulate emotions well, or are weak at visualizing the future. (By the way, neuroscience tells us we can shape and improve our brains!)

The different compositions of our brains also affects communication between people. Everyone encodes and decodes information differently, and then also gets filtered through one’s own life experiences. So advice such as ‘first seek to understand, then to be understood’ is paramount before encouraging people to ‘not give up.’ If the other person doesn’t feel that you completely understand their situation, saying that actually might work counter-productive!

In my opinion, in most cases 'don’t give up!’ is a good motto for college students. You know what to expect from college. If you do x you will get x. If you stick through the dip (time spend getting good grades), you will get the reward (degree). However, as you point out, some students might face additional stress outside of college, or society might already have put them at a disadvantage. It might just become too much. You helping and encouraging students who are at a disadvantage is incredibly helpful. As humans, we are naturally wired to be interdependent. We cannot do everything by ourselves, nor should we want to. We thrive on meaningful relationships and social connections.

So where is the line between healthy and unhealthy? That’s actually a very tough question. Most people tend to think of life as a journey, always trying to get somewhere, trying to achieve something. It would mean telling people how to live their life and I have no clue. Of course, if in trying to get to your goal your body shows signs of it being unhealthy, stop or take a break. Stress is good, but not to the point where you break down. Self-management is key. Overall I would say it’s healthy if your values align with the process to achieve the goal, the goal, and the consequences of achieving it. But then again, always be realistic. Quitting frees up time, energy and other resources that can be spend on achieving a different, perhaps more rewarding/meaningful/attainable goal.

An attempt at a more concrete answer would be:

It’s impossible to generalize what is healthy and what is unhealthy as everyone has a different idea of what that is and is living their own complex life. Therefore, on a case-by-case basis, people should be taught to take a step back sometimes, contemplate what they are doing, analyse it, be open-minded, seek help from (qualified) people and ask for feedback and advice, and then make up their minds themselves whether what they are doing is healthy or not.

As @zeadtalost said in the comments: “Man’s gotta know his limitations”. But then I would like to add to it that ‘man’ should not be fool enough never to test what they believe to be their limitations. Because what you say is true. Often limitations are in the mind, and overcoming them is what will make people more confident and capable! So please keep doing what you are doing. I doubt you find this a concrete answer, but I am pretty sure the book by Seth Godin will help you lots! Also, by the length of your ask I can tell you are very dedicated and a compassionate tutor, and it’s your caring attitude that will give your students the best chance of succeeding!

[matan4il]

I'm looking at that "Clothes (colors) of 5x13" post again, and having seen the trailer for tonight, yeah, someone in the production chain is playing games with us.

Oh hon, thank you so much for reading my 513 clothes meta! I’m so glad if you found it useful in any way. And TBH, I think production probably knows about us more than we’d like to be aware of, so there might def be some playing games going on there! But I’m always curious to hear more of your perspective and what exactly you had in mind. Hope you’re having a great day! xoxox

And if it’s okay, I’ll add in here another lovely ask -

Hi there, I'm the anon who asked you where you come from (so sorry to hear about that in Israel, I'm from Italy and I've been to your beautiful country few years ago. I hope they will stop with all those wars and I hope you stay safe.) and your fav episode (mine is Eddie begin and definitely 4*14, even if I agreee, yesterday's one is going to be on this list).

Anyway, I wait for your meta like a child waits for Christmas and I was wondering if you could help me  analyze a little bit more the look Eddie gives buck in the heart drawing scene. He looks up and his look is so... Weird. I can't quite gasp what were Ryan's directions tbh. I know you can help me.

No need to help me deciphering bucks look. He's so in love you can probably tell from the moon xD

Thank you and again, love your takes.

Italian anon

Awwwww, hi Italian anon! It’s so lovely to get to meet you! :D I’ve been to your country as well, and it’s one of my faves in the world. The food alone is just... *chef’s kiss* But then I also adore the language and culture. One of my fave movies ever is about falling in love in and with Italy. ;) I’m so happy to hear you’ve enjoyed Israel’s beauty as well, and thank you for the caring and kind words! We’ve had two more rounds of firing into Israel since that last post, and NGL, it’s all very stressful. And the saddest thing is that this is all so redundant, because I have no doubt that most people here want peace and coexistence. But knowing that there are kind people out there who care, that’s amazing and it helps more than you know! *hugs you SO big*

I’m overjoyed to learn that you enjoy my meta posts so much! I’m NGL, they take a lot out of me, so it’s incredible to know that they can bring so much joy to wonderful people like yourself! And ksdfjhskdjfh HOW DID I FORGET TO MENTION 315? It was, together with eps like 309, 413 and 414, one of moments where, when I was watching it live, I was wondering if this is real and not fanfiction, and how are we being blessed with so much goodness? So yes, another reason why I can’t choose just one ep! I love discussing this with you and thank you for sharing your own thoughts on this!

Oh, that’s such a good question! Okay, so at first Eddie is looking at what he thinks is Christopher’s drawing (but is actually Buck’s) and his expression seems to be both fond and a little puzzled:

But then Buck confesses that it’s his and offers, “I misunderstood the assignment” as an explanation for why his drawing is the one that looks more child-like. Upon hearing this, Eddie looks up from Christopher’s actual (anatomically correct) drawing at Buck like this:

So I think the first thing is to consider Eddie is teasing Buck with a bit of a judgmental look. I do believe this look contains that to a degree, but it’s not the only thing there, IMO. Otherwise, Eddie might have also added some verbal teasing, because that’s usually been his M.O, he’s never been shy or non-verbal about fondly teasing Buck. But I think there’s also an honest surprise there. Buck’s drawing is sweet and loving and soft, not to mention cute as heck. It’s in a sense such a good representation of the kind of person Buck is, and the kindheartedness and love he has brought into the lives of the Diaz boys. Eddie is shown a physical representation of why no one will ever match him better than Buck will. And maybe for a sec that takes him by surprise or is even a little too much to contain, because Eddie has just returned from therapy, and he’s not exactly in a great place by his own admission after (in his words) having cracked himself open for 50 minutes and having walked out feeling like he was hit by a bus. If in this moment he thinks too closely about what this drawing says about who Buck is and what he means in the Diaz home, Eddie might just have to admit some things to himself. So instead he gives in to his fatigue and expresses his sense of hopelessness:

Maybe he does it in part to avoid really thinking about what Buck means to him. And maybe he also does it in part because this drawing is a reminder that this is the optimistic man that is there to love and support Eddie, and it’s okay to let go in his presence and confess the biggest, scariest of doubts. Buck’s gonna handle them with that shining love he has, Eddie’s heart is safe in his hands.

I hope this helps, please don’t hesitate to let me know one way or another, Italian anon! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

[bannedfromtheaters]

Hi. I'm sorry, I know you worked really hard on that video essay. It was wrong for me to suggest that you should've done something different. I have no experience making them, so i shouldn't have been critical. I promise I won't go on either of your blogs again.

Alright, you send me a similar ask I think about a month ago where you'd say you would never come on my blog again and to me that seems like an incredibly unhealthy reflex to just mea culpa your way out of a conversation and disappear. That's why I invited you to my DMs so we could talk about it on equal footing without an audience (my 1k+ followers).

I already had invited you to come talk to me in private after your initial two asks, but since you haven't contacted me outside of anon, I assume it's still too high a barrier to approach me that way.

And either you're trying to troll/provoke me into a public response (which is rather menacing) so I'd prefer to think our exchange is still in the back of your mind 6 weeks after it happened. So, I have to change tactics to wrap up this exchange somehow. Sooo... here goes. I will discuss a few points you send me in the second ask and this one. I will not publicize the very first ask you have sent since you've shown regret of sending that. Hopefully you will read this response, feel like you understand my point of view better and we can both have some sort of satisfaction with our conversation. This way you don't have to come off anon since that still seems like too big a step. This goes under a cut to have some sort of privacy in this public space...

First thing I want to address is the way you're last three asks have this very "please forgive me" kind of tone.

It was wrong for me to suggest that you should've done something different.

Apologizing is one thing, and that's fine! So let me first thank you for your apology. But then you go on and say: I have no experience making them, so i shouldn't have been critical.

Please, please, please, please never stop being critical and just accept things as truth. It's good that you reflect on media (even videos with less than 1k views lol) even if you never produced a movie or film, you can still engage with it meaningfully. And yeah, it definitely is good to keep in mind like "hey. I never made a video / movie / tv show myself. Maybe there's a lot more going on than I assume", but don't silence yourself because you're not an expert on a subject.

Ask questions! Be curious! Learn something new! But ask those questions without presumptions. Instead of casting judgement on me for having talked about a subject in the third act you think could've gone differently. You could've just asked: "Hey! I really liked your video. I was wondering why you talked about Mulan vs. Toph in the third act. I honestly was expecting you'd talk about ATLA and its treatment of male and female characters in general, since it's so unique and complex, especially for children's television in that age. So what was you reason for discussing Mulan instead?"

You're basically still asking the same question. You're still saying you kinda hoped I'd talk about the thing you'd wanted me to talk about, but you leave the question open! Now we can have a dialogue. Instead of me needing to "defend" myself for the choices I made.

That's the main thing I was a bit flabbergasted by with your first ask. You had a judgement ready based on your presumptions. I honestly didn't care that you assumed my race (which was correct, by the way, lol). What I cared about is that you put me in a position where I had prove I wasn't being "a bit problematic". I'd rather not start a dialogue where I have to instantly go in defense mode. It doesn't make the conversation neutral. It makes it taxing and I'd rather not waste my time on an internet kerfuffle. It's draining on both parties.

I'm really sorry for assuming your race and thinking you were talking about culture that wasn't yours, it was wrong.

I honestly think it's incredibly unhealthy if we stopped talking about cultures that "aren't ours". What I read here (and what I see a lot online) is this flex to be overly cautious of not stepping on someone's toes. Thing is... you won't go through life being able to avoid stepping on people's toes. How you respond to stepping on someone's toes (or being stepped on your toe) to me is a thousand times more important. That's where conversations start. That's where understanding of the other person is born.

I also didn't talk about a culture that wasn't mine, because I didn't really talk about the culture at all? First of all, neither ATLA nor Mulan is an Asian production. So if you find it problematic that a Dutch person talks about a tv character and show they're passionate about—online, produced entirely in their free time, for free on the internet to watch forever—boy should you dislike Mulan and ATLA for being produced by big American studios, released for big networks and the international movie industry and having a very US centric team with a few experts as consultants.

I find it valuable to hear from Asian people. How they see all kinds of Asian symbols and customs and traditions just thrown together in a pot and stirred together. But that's not something I can talk about! I'm not Asian. Nor did I study Asian cultures. Nor did I spend a significant time in one of the many Asian countries to even notice what these video essayists have noticed and pointed out.

That is indeed not my experience, and I'd feel forced if I had talked about or mentioned it without the proper knowledge. But those other creators probably never thought or experienced what I saw and experienced with Toph!! Our experiences are different, but both are valuable.

It's why I believe "write what you know" is terrible advice. Then we only get dull slice-of-life stories about mediocre men in their thirties. It is a sentiment that reeks of disinterest for the world around you. No thank.

I love learning about different cultures! I love talking to my friends who live all across the world. I love talking about my own culture to them and learning something new about my culture! Like, I remember how I was talking to my friend about the Dutch "wandelvierdaagse". Four days in one week where you walk a significant distance. The biggest version of that is each year in Nijmegen where people walk 30km a day (so 120km a week....)

We did a 5 to 10km variant of that when I was in elementary school. We sang songs together while walking through cities and nature. And while I was just talking about my childhood experience my friend went: Sam... what the fuck are you talking about??? It was the first time I even realized that this fond childhood tradition I had, wasn't universal. To me it seemed like it could be! That's when I started googling and I learnt that it—apparently—has a military background. How walking together (marching back in the day) together was ensuring comradry. Makes sense! Never would have figured out the history of my own country's tradition if it wasn't for my friend who was confused about something that is very ingrained in the Netherlands.

It makes you appreciate other cultures while simultaneously reflecting on your own culture and the environment you grew up in. And yes, there's obviously a line you cross when "claiming" a culture. But we should never stop being curious about other cultures and wanting to learn!!

And claiming a culture I did not do in the video. I didn't criticize the cultures. I analyzed the different takes Mulan and Toph had on gender and in particular, their tomboy leads. I analyzed how different they got treated by their own narratives and why Mulan didn't "click" with me and why Toph did.

I thought since you talked about Toph and your own gender identity, that you could've talked about the idea of gender in the show.

That could've been a really good option, yeah! I think one of the reasons ATLA is so beloved (and still holds up so well) is because their female characters are so well fleshed out. The reason I didn't do this is because this video was based on one chapter of my thesis. If you know anything about theses, you'll know they have to be very narrow in their subject.

I definitely thought about analyzing the amazing female leads in ATLA, but that would've blown my analysis wide open and would've gone way off subject for my thesis.

For the video I followed the base line of the chapter in my thesis, but tried to make it more digestible and fun for a YouTube audience. I again didn't talk about the amazing female leads in ATLA, because I wanted this video to be focused on Toph. Also, I do believe there are plenty of (great) videos on ATLAs amazing female leads already. Adding my take to the pile would've just been "what they said" and added nothing valuable.

That's why I discussed Mulan instead, because I've never really seen my take be discussed online. I know Mulan is incredibly beloved franchise, especially amongst queer people! I know I'm in the minority here on my opinion of Mulan. That's fine! I still tried to make my case and tried to explain why I never felt that way. But like I said in the video, you're not ""bad"" for liking Mulan.

I did change my opinion on Mulan, however! My thesis analysis of Mulan had based itself primarily on a different academic essay which was very skeptical of Mulan. Thanks to the video I mention in the segment, I actually looked deeper into the source material and adjusted my analysis. My points became stronger because of it. I'm thankful for it.

This became incredibly long, but that's why I wanted to discuss this in private. It's a very nuanced conversation and this format, Tumblr, the internet as a whole, is kinda bad at that.

Hopefully you understand my decisions and reasoning better without needing to come off anon. Truly, you don't have to feel ashamed for it and you do not have to vanish off the face of the earth for having made an oopsie. ;) You apologized. I'm fine. And I hope with this response, you'll be fine too! 😊